When you don’t feel sad, or feel angry

Coverage of the death of The Queen is everywhere at the moment, but we know there are many different reactions when someone dies. What about those who don’t feel sad or are even feeling angry?

September 14, 2022

Not everyone is affected the same way by a high profile death. Many people feel very sad about the death of The Queen, for a number of different reasons. But others may not. They may even feel resentful and angry at the way that the death of The Queen is dominating the news. And that’s OK. Those who are grieving the loss of her Majesty may find these reactions disrespectful and upsetting but everyone is allowed to feel how they feel. We hope the following information will help whatever you are experiencing. The first step can be to acknowledge why you feel as you do.

If you are grieving someone in your own life

If someone close to you has died you might be struggling with your own grief and find the following upsetting;

  • The nation’s preoccupation with someone you didn’t know might seem very unimportant or trivial.
  • If your bereavement was very recent you may be feeling that your grief is being side-lined.
  • If you are mourning the death of a close friend or family member you might feel angry and confused, even that those people are disingenious about being so upset about someone they didn’t know personally.
  • It can feel hurtful if everyone becomes too preoccupied with their own grief for the Queen to offer as much practical or emotional support as they might at other times.

You might resent the disruption

The period of national mourning may have disrupted important events in your own life. It may be preoccupying family or friends who you’d like to be supporting you, or you may face practical disruption due to events around the funeral or the additional bank holiday.

You might feel numb

You might actually have expected to feel sad, and just don’t. In this case it might be that you are feeling numb which is a common reaction after someone dies. There is a very wide range of reactions to a death, all of which are normal.

You don’t like the Royal Family

We also know that many people have strong political opinions about the role of The Monarchy in our society. These may or may not affect how you feel about the Queen’s death – emotions are complicated. It can be confusing or even frustrating. Whatever you feel or don’t feel is OK.

What can help

If you’re not feeling sad then it’s OK to carry on and not follow the media coverage. Some people can feel confused about the ‘right’ thing to do, whether they’re affected or not. Can they still post happy news on their social media, can they still have that birthday party, what about that trip abroad? The only right thing to do is what is right for you. At Cruse two of our values are genuineness and kindness, and considering these can help when deciding what to do.

If you are feeling angry or resentful, that’s OK. Talking to a friend or family member who feels the same way can help. Exercise or journaling are also great ways to express your feelings.

You might live with someone with the opposite feelings to you and find you don’t understand each other’s reactions. Communication is vital – try to be honest about what you need.

Whatever your feelings, and whoever you are grieving, you’re not alone.

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