Coping with grief on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day and the run up to it each year can be a really triggering time for lots of people. It’s a day when we assume everyone is celebrating their mothers. If your mother, stepmother, grandmother or maternal figure has died it can be really painful. It can also be incredibly difficult for anyone whose child has died, if you’ve lost a baby before or soon after birth, or if you’re struggling to conceive.

Mother’s Day can also be a time of mixed emotions because you may have several different roles (mother, child, partner, etc) and still be celebrating in some way. It’s possible to feel happy, guilty and terribly sad all at the same time. You may need time, space and support to help you cope with a whole range of different and complex feelings.

Your situation is individual to you and there is no right or wrong way to feel. But please know that whatever you’re feeling you’re not alone.

Tips for coping with grief on Mother’s Day

Put yourself first
Be kind to yourself. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. Instead, spend the day doing things you enjoy. This could mean going for a long walk, spending the day watching your favourite films or taking yourself on a day trip.

Give yourself permission
Mother’s Day can stir up a wide range of emotions – sadness, anger, jealousy, numbness, or something else entirely. It’s very usual for us to feel guilt or shame. However, the whole mix of feelings and thoughts we can have are valid. If you need to unplug from social media, silence your phone, spend the day quietly, or even make plans to be out and have fun, that’s ok.

Give yourself permission to feel and respond in a way that’s right and constructive for you.

Find ways to express yourself and your grief
Grief can be hard to make sense of, so it can help to express it in ways that feel natural to you. You might create art, listen to or make music or move your body. Writing can also be a helpful outlet- whether that’s keeping a journal or writing a letter or card to the person who has died as a way of organising your feelings and saying the things you wish you could say. There’s no right or wrong way to express grief- what matters is finding something that feels supportive and meaningful for you.

Remember them

If you want to mark the day and remember your loved one, there are a few things you can do
Light a candle and place a photo next to it

• Share memories with friends and family
• Cook their favourite meal
• Visit a place that was special to them
• Watch a film or listen to music that they loved
• Make a donation in their memory

More ways to remember someone who has died.

Talk to someone

When you’re grieving, connecting with people who trust and who are there for you can make a difference. This could be talking to your family, checking in with a friend, or joining a supportive online community (such as Cruse’s social media).

If you’re struggling with grief, it’s important to ask for help. This might mean speaking to your friends and family, someone at work, your GP or getting support from Cruse.