Love after loss

The death of a partner can be one of the most painful experiences in life. It impacts us uniquely and we all have our own experience of grief.  

Starting a new relationship as a widow can be a delicate matter. You might question whether it is the right time to date again, what will people think of you, do you feel ready to meet someone new? 

If you are a widow, it’s important to know that it’s healthy to continue to remember with fondness the person who has died.  It is possible to do this whilst learning to love someone new.   

Things to remember 

• It’s important to give yourself some time and space to work out when you feel ready to date again, or if you feel like you would rather devote time to yourself, and others who you care for. 
• There is no timeline for grief and there is no right or wrong answer on when (or if) you should date again. Some people might want companionship or intimacy in a new relationship, while others might not be able to see how they would ever date again.  
• When we are grieving it is important to have people to talk with, who we know will support us.  It’s quite usual for people close to us to have views on whether we should form a new romantic relationship after the death of a partner.  It can be helpful to listen to what people are saying, and then take some time to make up your own mind.  Take some time to think about your identity: who you were, who you are now and who you want to be. Journaling can be a great way to work through these thoughts.  
• Who you were, who you are, and who you want to be… 
• It’s also important to keep safe.  Grieving can result in us being more vulnerable for a time, so making sure you are safe and well, is essential. Grief can impact decision making so take time and space to think through your decisions and be kind to yourself. 

 Am I ready to date again? 

Lots of people ask whether they are ready to date again, but knowing what this looks like can be challenging and feelings can change regularly. Moving on does not need to mean you completely set aside your previous relationship.  

It helps to take things slowly and check how it feels at each stage. It’s OK to change your mind. You could try something for a while and then go back to how things were if it’s not working. 

Some things that might help you decide you are ‘ready’ include no longer feeling overwhelmed by grief, feeling capable of living life on your own, not making comparisons to a former partner and feeling hope for the future.  

How to speak to children 

How you speak to your children about a new relationship will depends on their age. Make sure it is age appropriate and treat with sensitivity.  

Children might experience a range of emotions. They might be worried, feel abandoned or confused. If they show negative feelings towards a new relationship, try to discuss with them whether it is the individual they don’t like, or the fact you are in a new relationship. Read more about children and grief here.

Make time with your children, whether they are young or adult children, and let them know that they are always welcome in your home or to confide in you if they need to.  

Keep boundaries clear and be respectful about what your share with your children.