Making space for every experience of Mother’s Day

The run-up to Mother’s Day can bring reminders everywhere and marketing often starts earlier every year. If you’re grieving, those reminders can feel particularly painful.

It’s important to remember that people experience this day in many different ways.

Who might find Mother’s Day difficult?

Mother’s Day can affect many different people, including:

• People whose mother, stepmother, grandmother or maternal figure has died
• Mothers whose children have died
• People who are struggling to conceive or have experienced pregnancy or baby loss
• People who had a complicated or difficult relationship with their mother
• Those carrying mixed emotions – perhaps celebrating being a mother, while missing their own
• Caring for a mother with a terminal illness

You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, jealousy, numbness, or a mix of these. Some people also experience moments of happiness. There is no “correct” way to feel. Your experience of the day, and the days and weeks leading up to it, are valid. Mother’s Day can be particularly confusing if your relationship with your mother was difficult. Society often assumes that all mother–child relationships are loving and close. When that hasn’t been your experience, grief can feel especially complicated.

Ways to care for yourself on Mother’s Day, whatever your experience is:

Try to prioritise what you need. You don’t have to follow expectations or traditions if they don’t feel right.

Some gentle ways to care for yourself include:

• Taking a break from social media, TV/radio etc
• Spending time somewhere peaceful, such as outdoors
• Watching favourite films or comfort shows
• Planning a quiet day or small outing
• Doing something creative, such as art, music or crafts
• Lighting a candle or looking through photos
• Visiting a place that feels meaningful
• Talking to someone you trust

Some people also find it helpful to mark the day in a personal way. Others prefer not to acknowledge the day at all. Both choices are completely understandable.

Grief can feel isolating, particularly on days when it seems like everyone else is celebrating. You are not alone.